Image by Gerd Altmann
By the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.... Once you are Real you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always.
~ Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit
In a variety of interactions, from one-on-one conversations to large-group presentations, I pose the question: “Why do bankers (fill in the blank with whatever corporate title fits) come to work, hang their personalities on a hook, and become ‘bankers’” The smiles and laughs that follow suggest an instant recognition of the truth.
What does it mean to be a banker, lawyer, doctor, educator, not-for-profit leader, or any other professional? For many people, it is a debilitating experience of separating our genuinely loving, warm, compassionate selves from the hard, ruthless, determined-to-win persona that is demanded in our workplace.
Yet, do we truly realize what is left behind when we separate our true selves from our professional roles? We are abandoning what is uniquely wonderful about us, those parts of ourselves that others desperately want from us: honesty, authenticity, and genuine human connection.
SAME TITLE, SAME PLAYBOOK, DIFFERENT RESULTS
Have you ever wondered why ten different people can have the exact same script or sequence of events and have ten completely different outcomes? Why do some find success while others fail? The answer lies not in what you are saying, doing, or showing, but rather in how you are connecting with other human beings.
Take Melissa, a newer Personal Banker, who delivers consistently outstanding sales results in the flow of her daily performance. She is one of thirty-five Personal Bankers executing against the exact corporate play-book, yet her results are double those of her peers -- same products, same services and same training, with very different outcomes. Melissa’s success is the composite of her internal motivation as well as her ability to connect with others from a compassionate and empathetic heart.
Then there is Wesley, a young leader brought into a struggling banking center where the previous leader had created a harshly critical and polarized workforce, largely the result of his narcissistic insistence that “it’s my way or the highway.” Wesley immediately installed strong accountability and imparted a genuine sense of caring, empathy and compassion to his team. The outcomes produced were dramatically positive -- not to mention happier and more engaged associates.
LEADING WITH LOVE
Perhaps checking in with your spirit can make the difference. As you lead others, are you communicating a spirit of openness and a genuine desire to know the other person? Are you operating from a position of love, as opposed to fear in its many ugly facets? Yes, love and compassion -- both human attributes experienced from a higher connective vibration.
For is it not true that we all seek to be loved and understood?
In the corporate world, how often do leaders openly embrace foundational leadership as a demonstration of love and compassion? John Mackey, in his book, Conscious Capitalism, aptly advises:
To extend our love and care beyond our narrow self-interest is antithetical to neither our human nature nor our financial success. Rather, it leads to the further fulfillment of both. Why do we not encourage this in our theories of business and economics? Why do we restrict our theories to such a pessimistic and crabby view of human nature? What are we afraid of?
TO BE OR NOT TO BE
Perhaps two of the most profound questions posed over the course of human history are: Who am I, and why am I here? You may have pondered who you are as a person, a professional, a woman, a man, or a human being. “To be or not to be” leads you to fill in the blanks, but always brings you back to the ultimate question of being. Living true to your essence requires courage and honesty, qualities of great strength and integrity.
For many years I played the part of who I thought others wanted me to be: high performer, successful executive, strong male figure, breadwinner, husband and father.
Years of subduing my true self brought only unhappiness and a sense of dread. I had a falseness that others would feel as an undercurrent in our interactions. When I was able to start sharing the real Michael that I am, as a unique and loving person, people around me began to have a very different experience.
As a leader, I experienced a breakthrough that allowed me to hear beyond the words of an interaction to the feelings associated with the words.
SHIFTING FROM AUTOPILOT TO CONSCIOUS AWARENESS
This shift from autopilot to conscious awareness invited others to share openly and honestly with me. The energetic connection between me as a leader, coach, and skilled professional encouraged others to connect at a different and more human level of truth. We were cutting through barriers of fear and consequences.
Early stages of leading a new team brought with it skepticism on the part of several managers. After many months working with Priscilla, a seasoned and mature leader of thirty-two years, she confided that her initial response to my leadership was distrust. She and a few other managers had lived through many leaders managing with casual disregard for direct reports, spouting the corporate message and failing to have a genuine interest in those being led.
When I met with Priscilla over the months, I consciously opened a dialogue to understand her unique story. Instead of reacting to her ill feelings, I left my ego at the door and genuinely made every interaction about her. I invited conversation that illuminated her priorities, passions and greatest aspirations.
The barriers brought forward due to her negative interactions with previous leaders began to dissipate, forming an honest professional friendship that led to accelerated performance and much greater associate engagement. Opening the door to caring for associates like Priscilla creates wonderful opportunities for shared success.
EARNING TRUST AND RESPECT
I discovered that acting as “boss” is optional when being a transformative leader. Simply being “boss” in today’s changing world does not automatically confer trust and respect. As leaders, we must earn the respect and loyalty of the associates we lead and serve.
I grew up as the son of an Air Force officer, a World War II B-17 pilot and war hero who, through no exercise of love and compassion, drew unquestionable respect and honor. Despite his insidious and destructive alcoholism, I accepted him as strong, decisive and powerful.
Today’s generation is not as quick to assign trust and undying loyalty to title alone. Rather, they seek proof through action and concrete, consistent behavior.
DISCOVERING YOUR TRUTH
To understand the power of the real you, it is imperative to know your own truth. What are you willing to stand up for in your life?
Many of us wander through life never finding our true and genuine selves. We live under the illusion of truth when in fact a veil of fear covers our human experience at every level. We require ourselves to hide what we hold close inside, lest others think of us as a sham, a liar, or unlovable. Given this mindset, we often choose occupations that leave us unfulfilled and disheartened.
Intimate relationships that emerge over time fail to bring us satisfaction, for we never live from our deepest desires. We wake up middle-aged and caught in a web of dysfunction, living far below the dreams we held in our young adulthood. The gravest loss one could experience is reaching the end of our lifetime and realizing that we never stopped the cycle of fear to create a life of fulfillment, joy, and abundance.
THE REAL YOU: WHERE DO YOU START?
To explore what is most genuine about you, start by looking back on your early childhood, remembering the people, events, and activities that captured your enthusiasm and joy. Have you ever wondered why the exuberance expressed in young children disappears and gives way to order, obedience, and alignment?
The answer is that we are forged by society. We conform to being a good boy or girl, an obedient student regurgitating facts, and good little capitalists. Our world relegates the unique beauty of our souls to an underground space that lets in no light. This truth is tragically the product of living our lives engulfed in fear and consequent limitation. In order to break free, one must first acknowledge the unconsciousness that consumes us.
THE MAGIC OF CHILDHOOD
Like many other children, I had an imaginary friend who regularly engaged me in dialogue and childlike questions. I recall my mother asking me about my friend, urging me to move on and disassociate from him. Was this imaginary friend real or not? As an adult, can you still hear Santa’s sleigh bell, as beautifully illustrated in the popular children’s story, The Polar Express?
Do you realize that you are surrounded by infinite love, compassion and energetic connectivity urging us to align with, and be present to, our divine essence and potential?
Remember as a child those times of sheer fun and laughter, where around every turn there was something new and exciting? Remember the long summer days of play and unfiltered curiosity? Remember the creative ideas and projects that so easily and seamlessly flowed?
Where did this endless world of possibility go?
Recall your childhood, remembering the seemingly insignificant adventures, stories and excited pursuits that drew your interest and attention. I remember music stirring my soul in a powerful manner. Learning to read music, play an instrument and discover the incredible thrill of singing clearly impacted my passions. The music of the 60s, Elvis, Motown, The Beatles, the British invasion of rock n’ roll artists created a psychic world of endless possibilities for my young self.
Decades later and this same passion exists today, calling me to experience and participate. For the conscious leader, tapping into your childhood dreams to identify lost aspirations can lead you to discover those parts of you left dormant and hidden behind conforming attitudes, experiences and societal dictates.
YOUR INNER TRUTH
These questions are deeply relevant to all of us as leaders. All too often we are on autopilot and follow the corporate playbook. We toe the line in meting out decisions, striving to present a vision of corporate commitments, values and attributes that bring others into the fold.
The missing part of this corporate dance is our inner truth: the alignment of our leadership practices, behaviors, and attitudes to our own integrity and ethics. And your inner truth includes those early childhood passions of expression and unique personal attributes.
When we operate from the external dictates of the company, absent our own unique and powerful truths, we fail those we serve and lead. We subsequently live our professional lives from a point of falseness, abstraction, and contrived allegiance. As a result, we realize unfulfilled aspirations and a life that is unbalanced.
SWITCHING ON YOUR HIGHEST SELF
When you operate as a conscious leader, present and engaged in lifting up those you lead and serve, you switch on your highest self, the human being you were designed to be. Remember, this is not a dress rehearsal. Are you merely practicing to live your life or are you embracing your most powerful and luminescent self?
The choice is yours to make. The real you can and will be more than what others say you are. Be courageous, be fulfilled and be the director of a joyful and meaningful life. Illuminate your ambitions to make a significant difference.
©2015, 2019 by Michael Bianco-Splann. All Rights Reserved.
Excerpted with permission from Cnscious Leadership.
Published by Palmetto Publishing Group.
Article Source
Conscious Leadership: 7 Principles that WILL Change Your Business and Change Your Life
by Michael Bianco-Splann
"When you operate as a conscious leader, present and engaged in lifting up those you lead and serve, you switch on your highest self, the human being you were designed to be. Remember this is not a dress rehearsal, but the real deal. Are you practicing to live your life or embracing your most powerful and luminescent self? The choice is yours to make. The real you can and will be more than what others say you are. Be courageous, be fulfilled and be the director of a joyful and meaningful life. Illuminate your ambitions to make a significant difference."
For more info, or to order this book, click here. Newly Revised (2019)
Another book by this Author: Dying to Live: A Tapestry of Reinvention
About the Author
Michael Bianco-Splann is a conscious leadership expert, inspirational speaker, and master certified corporate trainer with over 30 years of frontline executive experience. He offers a transformative approach to leadership—within Fortune 100 companies to small boutique enterprises—for those seeking a life that's true to one's passion and purpose. He is the author of Conscious Leadership: 7 Principles That Will Change Your Business and Change Your Life and Dying to Live: A Tapestry of Reinvention. Learn more at illuminateambitions.com.
