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Angry. Sullen. Hostile. Cranky. Abrupt. Withdrawn. Stubborn. Irrational. Manipulative. Negative.

Do ANY of the words above describe someone you know at work? Maybe a customer or a client? Maybe your boss, partner, employee, or co-worker?

Even though we all share a common spiritual core, we each have different life experiences that continue to shape us as individuals. In the process of living, people sometimes let circumstances upset them. They consequently may feel frustrated, angry, depressed, or other emotions that we might consider difficult. This behavior can thwart or complicate our best intentions at work.

How can you keep a positive perspective when less-than-professional behavior bogs down business? Here are 12 ideas to help you smooth the way to successful resolutions.

1. First ask what you can know about a situation, then what you can do about it.

Know that we're all in the process of growing as human beings. Once you establish that common connection and the shared goal of evolving spiritually, it's easier to be guided by the indwelling Spirit and take the appropriate action.

2. Realize that difficult behavior may be someone's bid for understanding, love, or acceptance.

The more difficult the behavior, the more desperate the bid. It might be a cry for help, not an assault on you personally.

3. Separate the behavior from the person.

You can care about people even though you don't like, or approve of, some of the things they do.

4. Remember that people usually rationalize their behavior no matter what it is.

To challenge them, threaten them, or disagree with them might only make them more defensive and more stubborn. So rather than trying to convince others that they're wrong and you're right, approach the problem with a cooperative spirit of looking for solutions.

5. Find common ground on which to agree.

When you agree with people, they feel that you understand them, at least in part, and may be more receptive to your ideas. Common ground between you and a customer who is irate, for example, might be good service: the customer wants it and you want to provide it. Assure the customer of your intentions to give good service. Acknowledge any problems, apologize if necessary, but don't demean yourself; then express your willingness to remedy the situation. You might say something like, "I'm sorry this happened. Here's what I'm going to do to correct the situation and prevent future problems," or, "You're right, this has been a problem. Let's figure out a way to fix it. Any ideas?"

6. Avoid judging people by your own standards, which may be inappropriate or unrealistic to the situation or unfair to people.

If you work long hours, for example, you might be suspicious of people who take frequent breaks or go home right at closing every evening. Or you might judge people for using poor grammar even though English may be their second language or they may not be responsible for written communication in the company. Then there's always the possibility you don't know the real reasons why people do what they do.

7. Avoid mind-reading.

When you think you've figured out why someone is acting a certain way, you might say something like, "Here's what seems to be happening. Is that what's really going on?" Their answers might surprise you. For example, Susan got the feeling that Joe didn't like her because he was often abrupt with her. Since it was her style to be abrupt with people when she was angry at them, she concluded that Joe was mad at her. One day, rather than assuming the worst, she said to Joe, "I get the feeling that you're angry at me. Are you?" It turned out that Joe wasn't even aware he was being abrupt. He simply thought he was being efficient and doing his job quickly. If Joe had been angry with Susan, she had given him an opportunity to share his feelings and resolve any differences.

8. Avoid asking 'why' questions.

People often interpret 'why' questions as combative. Instead, ask, "What's going on?" "How do you feel about this?" or "Can you tell me more about it?"

9. Talk in terms of your thoughts and feelings rather than accuse others.

Instead of saying, "You're always late with the monthly report," you might say something like, "I can plan my presentation on time for the staff meetings if I know I'll have your report by the first of each month. Can I count on you?"

10. Realize that people interpret behavior differently.

You might think that someone is nagging you, for example, when the other person thinks that he or she is just trying to be helpful. Or someone who seems to be unmotivated simply may not know, or understand, the company policy or where he or she fits into the big picture. Again, one of the faster ways to smooth out communication is to tell others what you've observed and ask if that's what's really going on.

11. Think about how the objectionable behavior might serve the people engaged in it and find a way to help them meet those needs more constructively.

People who gossip, for example, might be trying to get attention or to appear interesting. So help them fill their needs constructively by reinforcing their positive personality traits and giving them well-deserved recognition.

12. Use the "Olé!" technique.

This is described by Peter Turla, president of the National Management Institute, a training and consulting firm in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. "When people are being difficult I use the technique that bullfighters use when a bull charges them. I mentally step aside and think, 'Olé!' I let them blow off steam, then direct them to positive solutions.

I might ask, 'What can we do to correct the problem?' or 'What would have to happen for you to feel good about this?' This way I show them that I care. And when I look beyond their behavior to what they want, we tend to resolve things quickly."

Specific Strategies for Various Types of Difficult Behaviors

Once you put things in perspective, here are some specific strategies that you can use if you confront various types of difficult behavior.

Hostile Behavior

1. If someone is creating a scene, stay calm and guard against an angry knee-jerk reaction. Most people cool off in a matter of minutes if you don't antagonize them.

2. Realize that the person may be yelling at the situation rather than at you. He or she may have personal problems. While this doesn't excuse others from being rude, it may help you to emerge from the fray with your ego intact.

3. If they persist in telling you what to do and it begins to feel like they're interfering, say something like, "I appreciate your help, but I want to work this out on my own for the learning experience" or "Thanks for your suggestions. I'll consider them."

Uncooperative Behavior

1. Motivate people for an assignment by telling them what's in it for them and emphasize how important their contribution is to the overall project.

2. Ask for their opinions, recommendations, and advice. Make them feel needed. They are!

3. Clarify the company's rules and policies so that people understand what's expected of them.

4. Encourage constructive grievances. Uncooperative behavior may indicate that something needs to be changed.

5. Reward people for work well done. Give ample credit and well-deserved acknowledgment, raises, promotions, or letters of thanks. Your recognition and appreciation may be the perfect incentive to get people to cooperate.

What to Do if People Think You're Difficult

If you're surrounded by people who are being difficult, realize that they may be reacting, in part, to something that you're doing. If your behavior seems to bother people and you want things to run more smoothly in the office or in the department, ask for tactful reminders when they think that you're being difficult. If, for example, your perfectionism tends to slow down relatively unimportant matters, invite others to make you aware of when you're doing this.

Take 'Ten'

Whenever you want to communicate with someone, set some time aside for a focused, uninterrupted discussion. People may be more willing to talk with you if they feel they have your full attention. Taking ten minutes, or however much time you need, can actually save you time that otherwise might have been lost because of misunderstandings.

When you keep the lines of communication open, you can handle differences quickly and effectively with compassion and understanding. You'll more fully express your spiritual nature and acknowledge it in others. And you'll get back to work faster and in a more positive frame of mind.

Reprinted with permission of the publisher,
DeVorss Publications. ©1998. www.devorss.com

Article Source

SPIRIT Incorporated: How to Follow Your Spiritual Path from 9 to 5
by Kathleen Hawkins.

Spirit Incorporated is a practical guide for people who want to honor the human spirit at work--whatever their faith, whatever their job. Written by Kathleen Hawkins, it tackles many of the tougher issues in business--such as job dissatisfaction, competition, personality conflicts, Murphy's Law, and unethical behavior--and views them in a spiritual light. Spirit Incorporated is for you if you want to make a spiritual response your first response, not your last resort .... if you want to feel calmer, more centered, and less affected by difficult circumstances .... if you want to think more clearly, have more energy, and attract positive, cooperative people .... if you want continuing success.

Info/Order this book. Also available as a Kindle edition.

About The Author

Kathleen Hawkins is vice president of the National Management Institute, in the Dallas/Fort Worth area, and the author of four books, Time Management Made Easy; Test Your Entrepreneurial IQ; Reverse Speech: Hidden Messages in Human Communication; and SPIRIT Incorporated. Her articles and ideas on how to increase personal and professional effectiveness have appeared in more than 200 publications. She's also a reading specialist -- with master's degrees in reading education and creative writing -- and a professional speaker and a business consultant.