I believe that if we wish to understand more about ourselves emotionally then we need to be open to the idea that something beyond just our human form exists. My interest in this area grew when I questioned why traditional psychotherapy techniques didn’t work for everyone.
Could it be that we weren’t just human bodies and biochemical reactions? And what about individuals that had experienced sudden enlightenment – how had their perception changed so drastically in an instant? As therapy is all about helping people to shift perceptions, I would say that these are very important questions to be asking.
There Is More To Us Than Meets The Eye
For me, the notion of a Transcendent Mind did not come solely as a result of studying research. Whilst the research has been very informative, the findings do not come as a surprise as there has always been a part of me that has felt that there is more to us than meets the eye.
Before I turned to parapsychology and science to find answers, I first explored the various faiths. Rather than focusing on the differences between these faiths, I focused on the similarities and questioned whether there were any common ideas that were prevalent. I found that the concepts of God, love, kindness, empathy, forgiveness and compassion were themes that were present amongst the various faiths.
I also realized that just because somebody claims to be ‘religious’ does not necessarily mean that they are incorporating these aspects into their life. Furthermore, I recognised that these were the very themes that people needed to work on in order to achieve emotional wellbeing. From a practical perspective as a Therapist I wanted to know why these aspects were so important and why some individuals were finding it difficult to incorporate them?
And hence the journey of exploration began. For me personally, the concept of a Transcendent Mind evolved from piecing together findings from different disciplines and considering the picture as a whole. But the question then became, ‘what relevance did the Transcendent Mind have for us? So there is a high likelihood that we may be able to communicate telepathically and that we may be interconnected in someway, but how did this affect our emotional healing?’ Well after a while, it eventually started to make sense.
Emotional Healing Involves Changing Our Perspective
Emotional healing involves changing our perspective about certain experiences that we have had, and tools such as forgiveness, compassion and empathy are important aspects of the journey. When we recognise that we are part of a greater whole (the Transcendent Mind), forgiveness takes on a whole different meaning.
Over the years I have made an interesting observation in that many of us unconditionally forgive our immediate families when they make a mistake. In the past I have heard people say that it doesn’t matter how bad an argument you have had with your siblings or your parents, eventually you go ‘back to normal’ with them.
It is as if we have a built-in mechanism that allows us to forgive them with more ease and move on - perhaps it is because we share the same DNA? However, we’re not always as forgiving of others to whom we are not related, and we can tend to hold grudges and find it difficult to move on when we feel that we have been wrong done by.
When we recognise who we are and that we’re connected at the very core, we open up the doors to changing our perspective on challenging circumstances. We start to view forgiveness with different eyes. To understand this further we need to learn more about how we function.
What is Emotional Wounding?
Emotional wounding is a term that I use to describe the emotional trauma and pain that we experience and internalise over the years. Trauma comes in many different forms and sometimes the briefest of comments can have the deepest effect on us.
Barry, a seemingly confident individual, told me that the one factor that had the most impact on him was when his wife discovered that he was having an affair, and told him that he had ruined her life. Barry knew that the affair was very painful for his wife and he had never intended to hurt her.
He knew that their relationship had been in trouble for sometime and when the opportunity for the affair arose he found himself ‘just going with it’. He was confused about both relationships and when his wife made the discovery and expressed her pain and anger, Barry found it difficult to forgive himself.
In this instance both individuals experienced emotional wounding. Understandably, on making the discovery Barry’s wife was both shocked and angry. She commented that she couldn’t understand what had happened and would never dream of taking such an action that would hurt her husband so much. She was grief-stricken and didn’t know how to process the pain.
Barry on the other hand, said that he had been battling his inner demons for sometime and knew that his wife was a nice person. He also knew that there was no excuse for his behaviour and that he should have addressed their failing relationship through better communication. As a result of the discovery Barry had lost all self-respect for himself, and was left feeling very confused.
Why Do We Behave In Certain Ways?
There is always a reason behind our actions and part of the healing process is to ask ourselves why we behave in certain ways. Questioning our behaviour opens the door to a greater level of self-awareness and helps us to understand the reasoning behind our actions. If we do not have a way of dealing with the pain and trauma that we experience during the years, then these experiences may heavily influence our current behaviour.
Barry hardly ever received any praise whilst he was growing up. Not knowing any better, his parents would criticise his efforts in hope that he would better himself. School wasn’t overly a pleasant experience either. Barry’s only real passion was Geography and he often found the other subjects boring and hence found it hard to apply himself properly.
All of these experiences created emotional wounding and shaped the beliefs that Barry held about himself. Unable to deal with the lack of self-worth that he was developing, Barry turned to other means to seek approval and fill that hole of unworthiness.
As Barry’s marriage started to collapse, it triggered off the old emotional wounding and feelings of failure. Barry had never learned how to address these feelings directly, so the only way that he could take the pain away was to entertain another relationship which did not come with any baggage.
This relationship was new, fresh and exciting, and at the current stage both individuals had not yet encountered one another’s emotionally wounded behaviour. This is because when we first enter a new relationship the focus is quite often on all the positive points. We make an effort for one another: good clothing, good aftershave or perfume and of course...good behaviour. In time however, we encounter obstacles in life that bring to surface our old emotional wounds which cause us to behave in certain ways.
A new relationship does not change the unhealed aspects with in us, it simply provides an avenue for us to mask them for a while. The only way that we can change our behaviour is to take an honest look at ourselves and work on the healing our wounded hearts.
Addressing the False Beliefs About Yourself
Underneath the emotionally wounded behaviour, Barry was a good person. Once he understood the reasoning behind his behaviour, he realised it was likely that it would replay out in any relationship. Yes, both him and his wife had to work on their marriage, but more importantly he had to work on himself and he had to address all his false beliefs that he had learned about himself. He had to learn how to face up and deal with his pain rather than finding escape routes that would provide him with only momentary relief.
A vast majority of the world’s population is emotionally wounded in some way or another. We grow up in an environment which tells us that we have to be a certain way in order to be accepted, but the truth of the matter is that we all have inner conflicts and we’re all human.
The aim is not to hide our emotionally wounded aspects, but rather to bring them to the surface and work on healing them. When we are able to accept our own flaws and show ourselves compassion, we are more likely to be more understanding of others too.
Time is the Greatest Healer
Over the years I have discovered that there is a natural healing that is taking place within us all the time. This is one of the reasons as to why we tend to become wiser as we get older. In many cases I have seen that even when we do not actively work on our own healing, the pain tends to lessen over time, hence we have the popular saying, ‘time is the greatest healer’.
Of course there are cases where people have endured severe emotional trauma and have not been able to process the emotional pain that they have suffered. Hence they remain stuck in the past. They are unable to move past the trauma and even-though years may have passed since the event, they still re-live it on a frequent basis.
Deep healing occurs when we address both our individual natures as well as our transcendent natures. The healing is a combination of understanding more about who we are and how we function; taking responsibility for our thoughts and actions and knowing when to let go of, and surrender a situation. This process also addresses healing from a mind, body and spirit perspective.
©2015 by Sunita Pattani.
Published by J Publishing Company Ltd.
www.jpublishingcompany.co.uk
Article Source
The Transcendent Mind: The Missing Peace in Emotional Wellbeing
by Sunita Pattani.
Click here for more info and/or to order this book.
About the Author
Sunita Pattani is a Psychotherapist and Author based in East London, who specializes in exploring the link between mind, body, spirit and emotional healing. Since childhood she has been fascinated with science, spirituality, consciousness and the deeper question of who we really are. Sunita is a graduate of the University of Birmingham, where she obtained a degree in Mathematics, Science and Education in 2003. She taught for five years before she returned to college to study an advanced diploma in Hypnotherapy and Psychotherapeutic Counselling. Alongside running her Psychotherapy Practice, she shares her message through a combination of speaking, running workshops and writing. A regular blogger for Huffington Post, Sunita’s first book, My Secret Affair with Chocolate Cake – The Emotional Eater’s Guide to Breaking Free was published in 2012.
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