Today many people are plagued with addictions such as drugs, alcohol, money, fashion -- even one's job. Then, there are more subtle addictions like striving for praise and recognition, seeking power, respect, and many others. While addicted, one cannot imagine living without the addiction-of-choice. Yet, there comes a time when one realizes that these addictions are harmful and must be transformed into more meaningful positive habits, for the benefit of the self and others.

Before being transformed through meditation, I went to great extremes to be physically beautiful and became a slave to fashion. Everything I possessed had to be unique and my clothes were exclusively designed. Price was no option; if I had to have it, I would use whatever means necessary to get it. The thought of seeing anyone else in anything even closely resembling my clothes appalled and annoyed me. I had to be different and special.

Daily excursions to the malls and exclusive boutiques became my favorite pastime; I felt adored and beautiful each time I went shopping. The window displays taunted, beckoned, and excited me. I would try on new garments with great enthusiasm. Oh, how I idolized beautiful things!

I am not implying that there is anything wrong with fashion or beautiful things. However, when one becomes so addicted that one has to work three jobs just to satisfy one need, then something is very wrong -- one has become a slave.

Why Can't I Be Loved Just For Who I Am?

Then I met someone who was very low-key, simple and unassuming. He seemed quite different and had an aura about him that I had never seen in anyone else before. As I spent time in his company, I found my interest in fashion diminishing and my visits to the malls and boutiques lessening. I began feeling easier and more relaxed.

One day we were sitting quietly in the park. Suddenly I asked, "Why can't I be loved just for who I am, me, my mind?" The words came out of my mouth before I could stop them. My voice trembled, I sounded like a stifled, wounded child. "I feel that people are more interested in my body and in how I look, rather than in my mind. Will I ever find someone who will understand and care for me just for who I am?"

I spoke from the depths of my soul without realizing it at the time. He looked at me and said, "It's the way you project yourself. Because of the way you dress, you project a certain image; and that's the way you are seen and related to."

At first I listened angrily, but I could feel a subtle change coming over me, a sensation of relief. I thought about my upcoming plastic surgery appointment and the constant fashion parade I had been living, and suddenly it all seemed foolish and petty. I felt as if something were coming over me, as though for the first time I was becoming real.

In Search Of Truth And Love

A year or so later, I attended a lecture and meditation given by a very wise, elderly woman. Little did I know that this experience was to be the turning point in my life - that it would set me on the path in search of truth and love.

As she sat there meditating, with her eyes open and focused on the center of the forehead, I looked into her eyes. They were soft and gentle, radiating peace and love. I was illuminated with that love; I became that love. It felt to me like the kind of love that a very good mother gives to her child. For the first time in my life, I was totally at peace -- fulfilled and extremely happy.

My mind became still and suddenly I had the feeling of being detached from my physical body. It was as if I were looking through the soul instead of the eyes. The beauty of what I saw amazed me. It then dawned on me that the beauty I had been seeking all along was right there within myself; the beauty that endures all time -- spiritual, everlasting beauty.

I later realized that the woman had experienced direct contact with the Supreme Being, the Incorporeal God. Since then, through meditation, I too have experienced being in that awareness, that presence of God. I, too, have realized myself as a subtle living being, a spiritual energy source occupying this physical body.

Discovering True Beauty and Individuality

We are all pure, living energy, playing our roles in various costumes. But we have become so out of touch with our spiritual side that it separates us from our true selves, each other, and more importantly, from our Divine Father. Getting back in focus with my true self has made my relationship with others richer and more meaningful, and I am happy. My relationship with God has changed too. I have experienced Him as the Incorporeal One, a very subtle form of energy. I can feel His presence and His special vibrations of Peace, Love, and Purity.

No longer do I need fashion and plastic surgery to make me feel beautiful and special; I am aware of my true beauty and individuality. Each day my relationship with Him deepens and I am fulfilled through His special love and understanding. I no longer feel "misunderstood." Knowing that my Father is with me gives me confidence, bliss and contentment. I am much closer to Him now, and constantly learning about His limitless qualities. I see His wonderful creations, both the before and the after. I now realize my true identity: I am a peaceful Soul.

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About The Author

Gita Stevenson is a long-time student of Raja Yoga, a counselor and spiritual traveler. Annually, Gita visits the Raja Yoga headquarters in Rajasthan, India where she does intense studies in yoga. Gita can be reached at the Raja Yoga Center, 4160 SW 4th St., Miami, Florida 33134.