The truth is that a human being cannot exist as an island. We cannot thrive alone. We don’t want to be excluded. The truth is, we desperately want to belong to each other. And the highest truth of all is that in a universe where oneness is the highest truth of all, there is nothing in this universe that we don’t belong with and there is nothing in existence that doesn’t belong with us.
When two different people try to connect, each comes in with different needs, wants, perspectives, feelings and past experiences. The likelihood of being on the same page as one another all the time is very slim at best. This means that in any relationship, ruptures can and will occur. It’s inevitable. By rupture in a relationship, I mean a time when the connection between you lessens or is broken, and you feel the pain of disconnection.
We can experience ruptures in any relationship. A minor rupture might be something as small as a partner deciding to get out of bed and go for a run alone when what we really needed and wanted was to be held by them. Or we can experience major ruptures, like a break-up.
An On-going Security Of Connection
Our on-going security of connection depends not only on people seeing, feeling, hearing and understanding us, but also having them continue to do so. If you feel a rupture, you need to commit to re-establishing that connection. For secure connection to be re-established, repairing the link has to be a priority commitment that both people are willing to work at. It will take two of you to get back on the same page.
On a vibrational level, this is what is going on. As spiritual energy incarnated into a physical human perspective in this particular time-space reality, we must be a vibrational match to the people that we come together with in our lives. This is particularly true of our primary partnership, which is usually an exclusive romantic one.
As we progress through life, desires arise within us and those desires call us forward into our expansion. This forward progression is for the good but it also causes change. In order to stay a match to people in our reality, we must change and progress in tandem. If we begin to vibrate at a different frequency and desire different things from one another, we can eventually be led in different directions. Without finding a way to regain connection or repair it, it usually means the partnership will end.
The most painful form of being on a different page takes the form of occupying different realities, but being in the same physical space. If you go to a gym, you can clearly see this separation happening in real time. Each person has their own music playing, their own workout routine and their own life. They are simply walking by each other, looking at each other and occasionally saying something to each other about the equipment.
One of those people could have just lost their spouse in a car wreck. Another could be getting married tomorrow and no one else in the gym would know it. They occupy different perceptual realities even though they are in the same space. We expect this experience when we go to the gym, but what if this is the state of your family members in the family home? What if partners occupy different perceptual realities?
What Does Being On The Same Page Mean?
For a relationship to work, for connection to exist and for a couple to be close, the state of occupying different perceptual realities cannot continue. The solution is to find a way to get back on the same page. When I counsel couples, every conflict I see boils down to this simple thing. The two people are not on the same page. The differences between their perspectives and desires, and therefore thoughts and actions about a subject, are causing a wide vibrational gap to form between them.
In a relationship, it doesn’t matter whether one person likes chocolate ice cream and the other likes vanilla. There are many differences of opinion that have no impact on a relationship, but there are also some that can have a severe impact on a relationship. For example, one person wanting an open relationship and the other wanting it to be exclusive. Or one person may never feel complete without children and the other person is fully against the idea of being anything more than just a couple. These are differences that, if not reconciled, will cause an end to the relationship. These are genuine incompatibilities.
Finding Common Ground
In the world today, tolerance of differences is a social value. We love to say, “We agreed to disagree on that issue”, as if it’s some kind of enlightened form of acceptance. But it’s not. It’s nothing more than an unwillingness to try to really understand each other and find common ground. And guess what? Agreeing to disagree about things that have real impact on the choices you make today, and thus your direction and your future, does not work in relationships.
On a vibrational level, agreeing to disagree on a major issue is relationship suicide. This is why assessing compatibility is such a critical part of dating and forming friendships in the first place. And if you do stay in a situation where you are putting up with being on a different page in a way that is causing you pain, that is nothing more than asking for isolation.
So what does it mean to be on the same page? It means being in alignment with one another so you are side-by-side, headed in the same direction. It means reaching agreement and a place where you once again occupy the same perceptual reality. It means you do anything you can do to find a meeting of minds so that both of you reach an understanding, some kind of agreement and feel good about the direction in which you are headed. And this requires lots of effective and on-going communication.
Compromise Is Not The Same As Sacrifice
It’s really important to realize that when most people say compromise, they really mean sacrificing something that you don’t really want to sacrifice. This kind of compromise never works. It’s no better than agreeing to disagree. You cannot give up something that is important to you and accept what you don’t want to accept. This will only lead to emotional tension in the relationship and build resentment.
So when you are trying to get on the same page in a relationship, don’t think about compromise. Instead think about trying to find a way that works for both of you, where neither of you has to give up anything that is important. We can call this the third option. The point of trying to understand each other and see a disagreement from different perspectives is that just the act of doing this can actually change our point of view on the subject so we inevitably make different choices and go in a different direction.
Sometimes, when our partner shares their perspective, we actually see that their perspective feels more right in our hearts and so we get on the same page. Other times, they see that our perspective is actually more in alignment and so they get on the same page as us. Other times, we both get onto a totally new page, but in alignment with one another. And other times, we find that what feels true and right to our hearts is to be on different pages and end the union in our physical life embodiment. In other words, we agree to break up.
We must allow for all of these potential outcomes when we set out to get on the same page with each other. But if it’s a desire to stay together, it’s more likely that the universe is simply using you both as a means to create expansion in you both and so, by intentionally finding a meeting of minds, you will get on the same page.
It is a beautiful thing that partners need to be in agreement to stay together in order to re-establish their link; it's actually universal genius. It forces us to become aware and expand our mentality, to look outside the box in order to find alternatives that are potentially even better than either person had in mind to begin with. And that is why it can be a great idea to involve outside perspectives in the attempt to get on the same page. People who are external to the relationship often see alternatives or solutions that both people involved were blind to. Therefore don't be afraid to ask for outside help from a counsellor or professional to find your way if you need to.
How To Get Back On The Same Page
If you are in a relationship that is not working, in order to get back on the same page, first identify what aspects of your life or subjects are causing you pain. Then use the steps below to try to get back on the same page in your relationship.
1. Express to the person that you think you are on different pages about something and tell them what that something is. Then express your need to get on the same page about it and why that is a need of yours. Don't make your style of communication one of attack and defence. Instead share your concerns in a way that gives both of you a positive, solution-oriented feeling. From there, you both have to agree to sit down with the intention of getting on the same page. Chances are your partner will be up for it because they are just as uncomfortable as you are about being out of alignment with each other.
2. When trying to reach a consensus, you have to enter into the conversation genuinely wanting to find a meeting of minds rather than to win or have one person give in. It’s important not to abandon yourself and really speak your authentic truth, while simultaneously allowing the other person the space for their authentic truth. The goal at first is to fully understand each other.
3. This is where you put forth your perspective. Often I suggest to people to separately write down their perspective about the situation. Essentially, each person becomes very, very clear about what page they are currently on. Then both parties come together and begin by sharing what they have written down. The most important aspect of this exercise is to become crystal clear about what you each want in this situation and what you each need. Then communicate that to each other. Ask as many questions of each other as you can so as to enhance the awareness about the situation for both of you.
4. Brainstorm different options that could bring you together in agreement. The goal in your minds must be finding a solution or option that meets the needs of you both (the third option) instead of compromise. It needs to be a win-win. In fact, if you put it like that, you can understand the energy of being on the same page. Both parties have to feel like they have won by agreeing. And if being on the same page means making any concessions, you must make sure that the concession is one you are genuinely OK with making. If it isn’t, you’ll be on the same page for three seconds before you end up on different pages again and so the exercise will have been useless. Sometimes you may want to involve other people in this process so you can consider alternative perspectives and alternative solutions.
©2018 by Teal Swan. All Rights Reserved.
Published by Watkins, an imprint of Watkins Media Limited,.
www.watkinspublishing.com
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The Anatomy of Loneliness: How to Find Your Way Back to Connection
by Teal Swan
Loneliness, is a feeling of separation or isolation, it is not necessarily the same as the physical state of being alone. This book is for people who suffer from loneliness, the kind that cannot be solved by simply being around other people. Their aloneness is a deeply embedded pattern that is both negative and painful; it is often fueled by trauma, loss, addiction, grief and a lack of self-esteem and insecurity. In The Anatomy of Loneliness, Teal identifies the three pillars or qualities of loneliness: Separation, Shame and Fear and goes on to share her revolutionary technique; The Connection Process.
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About the Author
TEAL SWAN was born in Santa Fe, New Mexico with a range of extrasensory abilities, including clairvoyance, clairsentience, and clairaudience. She is a survivor of severe childhood abuse. Today she uses her extrasensory gifts as well as her own harrowing life experience to inspire millions of people towards authenticity, freedom and joy. Her worldwide success as a modern spiritual leader has earned her the nickname “The Spiritual Catalyst.” She is the bestselling author of three books; The Sculptor in the Sky, Shadows Before DawnandThe Completion Process. Visit her at https://tealswan.com/
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